It’s raining. It’s been raining for two days. I am confused. I have too many things to do. I do not feel like doing anything. I am tired. I do not know what to do. That summarizes it.
This one I worked on during our company retreat:
The retreat went well, but left me exhausted. It was too much. I needed time to come back to normal. But I did not have time. I needed to travel and work. And then a problem appeared which needs solving, and more travelling and it unsettled me. Hence my feeling of not being able to do anything. And the rain does not help.
And then I am thinking about catching up with the courses I took. Why did I take 5 courses I cannot possible manage to follow? I knew it would be impossible, but I still tried. I am a bit mad at myself because I always think I can do more than I can. And it creates anxiety. Like I do not have enough of it anyway…
So I am paralized. Frozen in time. Cannot get going. There are too many things to do and I know I cannot make it. So I choose to not do anything. Does it make sense? Instead of enjoying the courses I am taking, I made myself miserable and started thinking about the lessons like something I have to do. Like work that needs finishing, like obligation that needs to be fulfilled. Look, it’s crazy!
This morning I painted with watercolors. It’s drying, I will post it tomorrow. I did not do any of my outstanding lessons in my five courses. They will have to wait and I will need time to recover. From today until December 31 I am enforcing a ban on buying art courses. On January 1st I will reassess the status. There is only so many hours in a day and there are limits to what I can achieve and stay sane and happy. That’s what I wanted to say today.