Black Book January: Update #5

I have finished another mandala today:

 

This one was quick and easy. I used Sakura gel metallic pens and white Uni Ball pen. I was sitting by the swimming pool and drawing. It was a great day: swimming, sauna, art and resting all day long. I really needed it. I also started some meditation exercise to practice detachment – it basically consists of exploration of my feelings and attitudes towards things and people that are causing me pain. I knew before that it’s all in my head, and consequently it should be easy to dismiss. However, I notice that whenever I am actively observing my feelings, I am fine, but I don’t seem to keep it up. Once I slip, I am on a downhill slope and if I do not make a serious effort to contain the emotional spillage, it all gets messy again. So, obviously what is needed is constant attention. Let’s see if it is possible…

It’s our last night here. I am happy in a way, because nights are hard. I am not used to sharing a room with another person and I am having troubles sleeping (Mother snoring, coughing, tossing, breathing, just being there…). My sensory antennas are so finely tuned that nothing escapes me even when I sleep. And that’s never good, not even during the day, because it’s so exhausting and distracting. So, I am gladly giving up sauna and pool for a good night’s sleep in my own room.

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